Successful Dating

How Teens Can Be More Successful At Dating

If you are a teenager and have trouble dating, this guide is for you. These tips will surely help you survive in the dating world. Based on personal experiences of my own, and after talking to a large variety of teenagers on a daily basis, I have compiled this guide to help others who might have at one time, found themselves in many of the same positions I did. Don’t expect this guide to make you a master at finding many dates with ease; it will still take work on your part. We will be touching on some very important issues that many teens face in the dating world. Let’s get started!

One of the most popular questions I often get is what do I do if I like someone, but they don’t like me back? There is no magical button you can press that will make someone love you, it has to happen all by itself. If you are in a position like this it can be difficult to deal with. We’ve all been there, you have a big crush on someone and they don’t even know you are there. But thinking about something you can’t change will only drain your energy even more and will make finding that special someone that much harder.

The first step is to acknowledge that all of that pain that you are feeling right now will always go away eventually, especially after you find someone you truly loves you for who you really are. You might even look back and laugh at that pain you felt when you realize that the person who loves you was just waiting to find you! There’s no use getting worked up over things you can’t change, because when things progress naturally at their own pace, the magic truly unfolds.

We all go through the teenager phase, where emotions run high and lead to jealousy towards others. But this isn’t essentially something bad. If you are in a relationship, and your significant other is checking out other people, don’t jump to conclusions and think you have to end the relationship. You do have a right to be annoyed, however first you must make your concerns clear. Communication is one of the most important things.

If you are hit by the jealousy bug, that’s fine. We’ve all been there; but it’s irrational jealousy that hurts us which is very different. This can lead to paranoia and constant worrying over whether not your partner is cheating. Although we all worry about these kinds of things in relationships, letting it rule your life is very unhealthy and can wreck the entire relationship itself. Ask yourself whether the jealousy you feel is justified or not.

At first, we may not know if we are in love or not. Another popular question I get from teens is when they ask, “How can I tell if I am in love or not?” I always respond by saying, you will know when it happens. You can feel it. It is the most straightforward answer of all because it is a feeling like no other. Obsession isn’t love. If someone is on your mind all the time, you don’t necessary have to be in love with them.

Lust is also compared to love but is not nearly as meaningful. Many of us have felt very strongly towards someone. You see them as being beautiful and attractive. Combining this lust with obsession can trap many people and will usually lead to an unfulfilling relationship.

This next issue is something many teens ask me how to deal with and I always give them this tip. A big problem regarding the love lives of teens is parents. Old fashioned parents often believe their younger teens shouldn’t date and will disapprove of current boyfriends or girlfriends. An important step to dealing with this problem is to be on good terms with parents. Otherwise it will be that much harder to deal with the issue.

When the day is over, parents have your back. Although it may not seem like it, they’ve faced all the same problems you’ve dealt with. They’ve been in your shoes and have a lot more experience to draw knowledge from. Just like how relationships with your boyfriend or girlfriend thrive on communication, so does your relationship with your parents. It is important to never forget that. If you hide your actions from them and keep quiet, it will only lead to more heart-ache in the long run.

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Dating Mistakes

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Girls Make

Trying to make your new relationship last or just looking to avoid a repeat of your latest dating mistakes?

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available

We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.

Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy

Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.

Related: 25 Things That Keep Him Hooked and Happy

Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection

Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. “There are some qualities that your mate must have—being honest, for example—and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category,” says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness.“Sit down and realistically figure out what characteristics are nonnegotiable and then be open-minded about the rest.”

Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself

Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself. Taking a dance class at the local studio, hitting up the exhibit you have been aching to see and trying out the new wine bar on the corner will not only offer you the chance to have more fun but will also leave you more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. So much better than sitting in your apartment waiting for someone to “wink” at your online profile picture, isn’t it? Another bonus? You’ll have far more interesting things to talk about over dinner than what your boss made you do on your lunch break last Friday.

Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number

Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.

Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.

See our tips: 12 Things Guys Wish You Knew in Bed

Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship

One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service. So make sure you’re giving as much as you’re receiving in your next relationship. “A partnership involves two people who share mutual interests and mutually benefit one another,” she says. “It’s not just about what being with him can provide you; it’s about how you can come together to complement each other.”

Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One

“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.

Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners

We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.

“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian, 30, from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again.”

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New Relationship

9 Ways to Make Your Relationship Last

As a divorce attorney, I pride myself on having saved some marriages

during my 25 years in practice. I would very much like to see

people work things out, if they can. I have come to realize that

if couples try one or more of the following 9 suggestions, they

may be able to keep their relationship from hitting the rocks

in the first place.

1. Delineate “yours,” “mine,” and “ours.” If you have finances that

should be placed in each of these three categories (for example,

you have an inheritance and he has a savings account he

accumulated before the marriage, and you also have a checking

account to which you both contribute), have an upfront conversation

about those assets and what belongs to whom. Moreover, talk about

your time away from “together” activities, like he wants to bowl

with the guys on Tuesday nights and you want to attend your yoga

class on Wednesday. Respect these important delineations.

Doing so will make the relationship stronger.

2. Carve out time to be together. Sure, you’re busy working and

attending meetings, but how important are those things if your

relationship falls apart? Make time to do things together that you

both enjoy. This could be anything from grocery shopping to taking

in a movie. Take regular vacations together — at least a couple of

long weekends and, better yet, a couple of long vacations

(more than a weekend jaunt). Commit to a weekly date night and

make it as unbreakable as that all-important staff meeting at work.

3. Take care of yourself. Spend time every day on your

appearance and your physical well-being. Work out regularly,

eat healthy, and stay fit. Not only will your partner like looking

at you, but you’ll feel better about yourself.

4. Make sure communication goes both ways. Many relationships

fail because of misunderstandings. Effective communication skills

are necessary if your relationship is going to survive. If there is a

hint or vibe that your partner is disconnected or you are unhappy

about something, do not ignore those signals or feelings. Approach

your mate and suggest an open discussion. You may be frustrated,

angry, or hurt and so may he or she, but always stay calm and

reasonable. Your goal should be to resolve differences, and the only

viable way of doing so is through open and direct communication.

5. Criticize gently. Don’t judge too harshly. If you criticize, do so in

the same way you would want others to criticize you. Be kind and

considerate.

6. Never stop courting one another. Gifts, compliments, and a loving

embrace go a long way, especially when they are a surprise. Send

unexpected greeting cards, slap a Post-It note where you know your

mate will find it, keep those flowers coming in a “just because” way.

Treat your partner with the same courtesies you did when you were

dating. A terrific mindset is to pretend you are trying to win your

partner all over again.

7. Keep the flame burning. Keep your romance alive despite the

chaos and craziness life can present from living in the midst of

sheer reality. Resolve to offer up romantic suggestions for your

partner’s pleasure, even if only occasionally, like cooking her favorite

meal when you know she’s had an impossible day, or entice him

into a bubble bath with you just for the fun of it. Little gestures like

these from time to time can ensure that the flame you once had

burns forever.

8. Spell out your terms of endearment. Call out the expectations for

one another in the form of the “terms” of your relationship together.

Put them in a contract, if you like. This contract will simply clarify

and document those needs and wants that mean a lot to you. For

example, though he typically runs late, your agreement might specify

those times when he agrees not to be late; she may agree to keep

her spending at a certain limit, though she typically has little restraint as

she traipses through the mall. Discussing these boundaries, as well as

your needs and wants, can prevent either of you from stepping over the

line and causing irritation. It is often the disappointments

(needs and wants, gone unexpressed) that bring down

a relationship.

9. Renegotiate your contract. Your relationship will evolve, and your

needs and wants will change right along with it. Once a year, it’s a

good idea to review, update, or revise your contract with each

other — whether it is verbal or written. Be mindful, however, not to

allow such a “contract” to ruin your relationship.

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